Learn to Love Again
by Mikaru Kinoshita
Summary: Because I love you," that was the first time I had ever heard those words come out of his mouth. The sad part is, they were said with no emotion, a monotnous tone with no meaning. A story basically between my character, Mikaru, & Hatori. Plz Review
1. Fairytale

**Chapter 1**

The sunlight, pouring like a trickling fountain, splashed into my room through the half-closed blinds, piercing my body with its warmth. I didn't want to get up today; if I could stay here I would. It was the middle of July, the eighteenth to be precise. I sluggishly moved to a sitting position. My gold room catching fire, painting a tapestry in my mind. Today was special; it was my special day. I would spend it the way I wanted to; even though I wanted to stay here, it would be a waste of a day. I was going to the local fair. The fair is a big celebration in Kaibara. People that live in and around the city come to enjoy all of the rides and entertainment provided. Couples go together, families go together, and friends go together. As for me, I'm going with my friends Hatori, Shigure, and Ayame.

I grabbed my bathroom bag (I don't trust anyone with my things), and headed for the bathroom. After locking the door, I looked in the mirror. My brown curly hair was a frizz-ball again this morning and my green eyes looked dull on my tanned face, that would all change soon enough. I had a shower, blow-dried and straightened my hair, and put on a small amount of mascara and eyeliner. Now, since my face was washed my eyes stuck out like a shooting star across the night sky. There was one thing that would make this complete. I had to step up on the toilet to reach the medicine cabinet, I hated being short, I was only about five-foot three. I grabbed my bracelet that looked like Kyo's, I promised him that I would always wear a bracelet like his whenever I went out. I slipped it on, the red and white beads glistened against my skin; perfect! As I came out, dressed in a Hollister shirt and denim shorts, I noticed someone sitting in the chair by the couch. It was Hatori. I chucked my bag into my room, "What are you doing here?" I asked, "and where's Shigure and Aaya?"

He looked at me as if I was crazy. "I'm here to take you to the fair, since someone doesn't want to get her license." It wasn't my fault I'd been too busy to take my road test, "and Shigure and Ayame left to get tickets."

"So what, you guys just broke in?"

"The door was open, we knocked but no one answered, so we just walked in." I guess I was too tired to have noticed that the door was wide open. River forgot to close it, again!

I sat down on the couch and rested my forehead on my hands. "Ugh," I groaned, "I hate mornings!"

"It was your idea to get to the fair early."

"Yeah, well, early for me is like noon, not eight in the morning, and that was your idea!"

"Well, some of us don't have the luxury of sleeping in, early for you is late for us and if we don't get there soon, it'll be late for both of us: Shigure and Ayame will probably sell our tickets or just head in without us."

I didn't feel like talking anymore so I just looked at him and nodded. I attempted to rise off of the couch, but as I stood I fell back down, I shouldn't get up that fast, I always get head rushes.

Hatori supressed a laugh, he held out his hand, "You're such a klutz. Here, lemme help you up."

I looked at his hand, blush reaching to the outer-most parts of my face, I looked away, "Hmph, I can get up on my own." This time, I almost fell down but managed to maintain my balance, "See, I'm not a klutz!"

Hatori broke out with a little laugh, "Well, klutz or no klutz, we have to go."

It was a fairly quiet ride. The silence was broken every now and then by simple, conversational questions followed by a response, then silence again. 'Why is he always so serious?' I have always wondered why. There's no possible answer besides the fact that his father is the Sohma family doctor, but still, he's only sixteen, he doesn't have to be so serious. My father is one of the head surgeons in the country and my mother is one of the top verteranarians, but I am as hyper-active and care-free as can be! I should have every reason to be serious, but I don't. Maybe it's the way we were raised, I don't know.

When we arrived, Shigure and Ayame were waiting for us. The line was reaching to the corner store two blocks away. "Where were you guys?" asked Ayame.

"Someone decided to take her time this morning," Hatori responded.

In return, I exclaimed, "it's not my fault I'm a girl! I have more to do to get ready!"

"Like what?" asked Ayame. Of course, the most feminine male out af all three of them had to ask. I gave him a list of everything I have to do to get ready, and in return, he gave a list of everything he has to do... it was longer than mine. _ugh..._

"Can we just go in, before the lines for everything get ridiculously long?" I asked.

"Sure!" exclaimed Shigure and Ayame. They looked at eachother and started roaring with laughter. I didn't see what was so funny. For the next couple of hours, my time was spent eating crepes, playing the games, and going on all of the fast rides with Shigure and Ayame. Hatori isn't that much of a ride person. We ended up walking by the tunnel of love and Shigure and Ayame wanted to go on it: predictable. I wanted to go in the haunted house. Shigure and Ayame wanted to do that too: also predictable. We decided to go in the haunted house, get some supper, and then go in the tunnel of love.

We went in the haunted house and Shigure and Ayame took off on Hatori and me. "Great!" I exclaimed gently smacking my forehead and keeping my hand there, "they're like kindergardeners!" Then suddenly, a ghoul popped out of a corner just as I was passing by it. I screamed and clung to Hatori's arm. He looked at me in the most bizzare way. I've never seen him look at anyone that way before, even when we were kids. He laughed a little bit and that made me feel better, but not enough to let go of his arm. I clung to his arm and squeezed it when I was scared. He never looked at me that way again. When we got out, Shigure and Ayame were waiting. I had let go of Hatori's arm when I saw the sign above a door that said "exit."

We decided to go to one of the resturaunts that were on the same street the fair was being held on. I sat by Shigure and across from Ayame. It was... interesting, for lack of a better word. Now we've arrived at the tunel of love...

"Oh, great!" Ayame exclaimed, "you can only fit two in one of those swan boats!"

"That's typically how it is," Hatori replied with a sarcastic tone. What was with him today?

"So who's going with who?" I asked, trying to get to the point

"I want to go with you and Shigure."

"I want to go with you and Aaya," complained Shigure

"I don't care who I go with," Hatori responded.

Thankfully, I had some toothpicks in my pocket from the resuraunt. There were two with red tips and two with blue. "Here," I started, "we'll do it this way, whoever picks the two red goes with eachother and vice versa." I held out the four toothpicks making sure to cover the colors with my hand. Shigure closed his eyes and picked one: red. Hatori did the same and picked blue.

I held out the toothpicks towards Ayame, "I guess this means I can't go with you," he stated.

"Yeah," I replied, "Pick one." Ayame closed his eyes and picked one. He looked at it and a smile apread across his face. I looked at the toothpick in my hand: blue.

'Great,' I thought, 'why do I have to be with the serious one?' I put on one of my convincing smiles that says I'm happy when, really, I'm not, "Ha'ri, I guess I'm with you!"

"It would seem that way..." He was averting his gaze. There was no sign of emotion on his face. Was he happy? Disappointed?

"Well, now that that's settled, who gets the first boat, or better yet, who wants it?"

Shigure and Ayame insisted that they have the first boat. Hatori and I didn't care. When the first boat came Shigure and Ayame were all excited and ran towards the boat pushing eachother out of the way in an attempt to be the first one on the boat. It only helped to prove my point about the kindergardener thing. When the second boat came, the couple that ware on it were all lovey-dovey and I pictured Shigure and Ayame getting off like that. Not a pretty sight! Hatori and I slowly made our way to the boat and then we entered the tunnel of love.

Hatori pulled something out of his shirt pocket but shifted his body so I couldn't see what it was. He then slipped a small package into my hand with a pretty baby blue ribbon tied on top, "here," he said, "this is for you."

"Why are you giving me this?" I asked.

"Because it's your birthday."

"I thought that coming here was my birthday present from you three."

"Well, I wanted to get you something and when I saw this, I thought of you, so I bought it."

"Thank you." I tugged at the blue ribbon. It slid off with ease. I then tore off the wrapping paper slowly, dragging it out. When all of the paper was off, a small yellow gift box was sitting in my hand. I lifted the lid and a ten-karat gold locket was sitting in the bottom, "it's beautiful, thank you very much," I said with a smile. He helped me put on the locket, then out of nowhere, Hatori's hand grazed my cheekbone and found its resting place on my shoulder. He was looking at me in that bizzare way again. Hatori kept his gaze.

"Happy sixteenth birthday," he whispered softly with a smile. He leaned in to kiss my cheek, but I turned my head to see what he was doing and instead of hitting my cheek, he hit my lips. I was startled but I kissed him back. It seemed to be about a minute long but there was a light at the end of the tunnel: the end of the ride. Our lips parted with both of our faces beat red. That was not supposed to happen! I am dating Shigure after all.

When we got off of the ride we tried to keep enough distance apart from eachother without making it seem awkward as we approached Shigure and Ayame. "Why are your faces red?" asked Shigure.

Hatori looked at me, "well, if Mikaru would have stopped taking pictures on her cell phone, we wouldn't have gotten in trouble. The ride attendant told her to delete them." Hatori is a surprisingly good liar.

"I see," Shigure replied averting his gaze. What's wrong with him now?

There was an announcement coming from a megaphone. _Everyone who is going to the fireworks please make your way to the main grounds._

"Well, we should probably head there now..." I said with a sigh. The day went by so fast, it's hard to believe everything that happened today. We all started heading towards the grounds when Shigure grabbed my arm and pulled me over behind a sign.

"Did anything happen in there?"

"Like what?"

"Between you and Hatori?"

"No."

"Are you sure?"

"No, nothing, it's just as Hatori said. Why can't you trust us? Why can't you trust me?" tears were swelling up in my eyes, on the verge of overflowing. I had to stick to the story, and I was crying because I felt guilty. I couldn't tell him the truth, that would wreck everything: our trust, our friendship, our love.

"I was just checking, take it easy," he replied.

"Why do you feel the need to check? Why can't you trust that I won't do anything?" I was raising my voice now in spite of myself.

"Because I love you," that was the first time I had ever heard those words come out of his mouth. The sad part is, they were said with no emotion, a monotnous tone with no meaning.

I looked at him, tears flowing down my face like a waterfall. "You know, I think it would be best if we weren't together, I still want to be friends but..." I paused, Shigure looked startled, "I-I can't do this anymore! You show no sign of affection or attraction, you're just with me and that's not good enough!" I didn't want to know how he would take it so I ran off back to rejoin Hatori and Ayame. I didn't care if tears were streaming down my face. I didn't want to be with Shigure anymore but I also didn't want to be alone and the only place I felt comfortable was with Hatori and Ayame. They were sitting on the ground awaiting the fireworks or Shigure and my return. Ayame looked back and saw me.

"What happened?" he asked, worry filling his voice. Hatori jumped up and both of them approached me. They couldn't hug me, not in public, but they both put a hand on my back and tried to comfort me as best they could as I explained what happened. Hatori had a look of guilt on his face but before I could say anything more, the fireworks started. Shigure was nowhere to be seen.

After the fireworks, Ayame said that he'd walk home and Hatori would drive me home. The car ride was completely silent this time. There were occasional glances towards eachother and it looked like he wanted to say something and then bit his tongue.

"Do you wanna come in?" I asked.

"Sure," he replied, "I haven't seen your dad or River in a while."

When we got into the house, it was dark, no one was home. Hatori took a seat on the couch and I went to the kitchen. There was a note on the table:

_Hey hun,_

_Gone out with River. Be back tomorrow. _

_If you want, Hatori, Ayame, and Shigure _

_can stay the night. _

_SEPARATE ROOMS!_

_Love Dad_

"Hey, Hatori," I called, "Do you wanna stay the night?"

"Why?" he asked coming up behind and scaring the shit out of me.

"Because my dad says you can."

"I'd have to-" before he could finish what he was saying I handed the phone to him and went to the pantry to grab some ramen.

Hatori hung up the phone after talking to his parents, "yeah, I'm allowed to stay, separate rooms though..." he sounded slightly disappointed.

"Yeah, I know, that's what my dad says,"

We ate ramen as our midnight snack and then we sat on the couch and watched a horror movie that my dad rented, it was stupid really. I hate it when there are scenarios in movies and if there's a scratch on the door the main character will go and check it out, even though normal people would be scared shitless and run for lives AWAY from the door! It was just stupid. I did enjoy it though, I was cuddled agaist Hatori (in a position where he wouldn't transform) and in the middle of the movie he decided to grab my hand, I don't know why.

After the movie I went into more detail about what had happened today. He listened to what I had to say, silent and reserved. It was either as if he saw it coming or he was playing out different scenarios in his head, I don't think he saw what was coming next, "So what are you gonna do?" he asked.

"I dunno, I won't be dating anyone for a while, though."

"I see..."

"Oh, I forgot, I have good or bad news for you depending on how you want to take it..."

"What is that?"

"I'm going to Canada after the summer is over, if I come back it won't be for a couple of years, I can still communicate over the internet," I paused, "I just found out last night... My mom is gravely ill and the doctors say she'll last maybe five years if she's lucky, and depending on how things run..." I started to choke up, "you may never see me again..."

"That's only a month and a half," he replied

I quickly realized how fast that time was going to go by. In reality, that was a harsh realization to come to, I was going to miss everyone that I have ever known, especially Shigure, Ayame, and Hatori... I didn't want to leave. I wanted to stay and suddenly, my mom didn't matter to me anymore because, to my surprise, Hatori was the only one that mattered. Tears started to roll down my face.

"What's wrong?" he asked, apparently surprised with me, crying randomly. I felt so stupid. Why couldn't I say no to my dad? Why was it bothering me so much that I was leaving Hatori? What the hell was wrong with me?

Hatori gently placed his hands on my face directing my averted gaze towards him. His face looked serious yet gentle, "Mikaru, what's wrong?"

I looked at him, the tears had stopped. I had no reason to cry. I was still in Japan, I was here, in my house, alone with Hatori. I was only worrying him more by crying, "I don't know," I replied. His eyes lit up a little bit. There was a hint of a smile, but no more than that. That was better, he was not worrying about me anymore. His black hair hung from his face as he towered over my pitiful five-foot three-inch shortness. He just stared at me for a while. Inevitably, I stared back. His hands dropped to my shoulders once he was sure that I wouldn't look away.

"Look," he began, "If anything's wrong, you don't have to be afraid to tell me." A rosie color was slowly spreading across his face.

"I know," I replied placing one of my hands on top of his. His face rapidly turned rose, then cherry red. There was an awkward silence.

"So now what?" he asked.

"I don't know," I replied. I looked at the clock. It was one thirty in the morning, "I'm going to go get ready for bed."

I walked into my room and found my silk pyjama pants and a baggy shirt to wear. I threw those on and ran out of my room. Hatori was sitting on my couch with his shirt off. He was watching t.v. "I hope you don't mind," he said without looking away from the television.

"No, I'm fine with it." I took a seat in the chair beside the couch. I started watching some random show with him. Once it was over he turned the t.v. off. I got up and stretched, "I'm going to bed," I yawned.

"Okay," he replied as he got up off of the couch, "good night," he said. I turned around to head to my room and suddenly, I was wrapped in a warm embrace for about a second before there was a puff of smoke. Hatori had turned into a seahorse. I'm not a member of the zodiac but I've grown up around the Sohma's so, I'm allowed on the inside and it doesn't bother me to see them transform. I waited for him to change back, sitting on the couch, watching him lay there on the floor. When he did change back, I looked away and waited for him to become decent. He came and sat down beside me.

"You know..." he started, "if you really don't want to go see your mom, you can stay with me. My parents like you and all, so I don't think that it would be a problem."

'Even though I chose to live with my dad because my mom needed to move, I still need to be with her, even when she goes,' I thought. It was true. My mom had to move because she was needed as a veteranarian in Canada instead of in Japan. She gave us the choice of coming with her but we declined. She came to visit once a year but when she found out River's secret she lost it. She said it was our fault that he turned out the way he did. She stopped visiting after that. That was about three years ago. But, I still love her to pieces. Besides, if it weren't for her, I would never have met Hatori, Shigure, and Ayame. But it's her that's taking me away from them. "I don't think I can do that," I murmered.

Hatori just looked at me funny. I wasn't too sure what to make of it. I smiled at him and I was relieved to see his expression change. It was that look again. I was beginning to like this look. I knew I could get used to it and I really wanted to stay with Hatori and not leave. I guess I was lost in thought because Hatori gently cupped my face in his hands and kissed me. The kiss was gentle, reassuring. I relaxed a little. I didn't realize that now he was on top of me supporting himself on the couch with his hands and mine were placed on his chest. My face went beat red. I knew where this could go, so, carefully, making sure not to move to a position where he could transform, I broke the kiss and sat up.

"What's wrong?" he asked.

I saw the disappointment in his face, "bathroom," was all I could muster. I got up and headed to the washroom. I washed my face, I tried to convince myself that today was a dream, that I would come out and Hatori wouldn't be there. He was acting abnormally. It was a good abnormal but it still weirded me out. I dried off my face and opened the bathroom door. I went in the direction of the living room. Hatori wasn't there, where did he go? I turned around and bumped into something. Again, I was brought into a kiss. This one started like the last but became more passionate. Hatori slowly progressed into my room without letting me break it. Then, I was on my bed. He broke it, this time, to sit beside me.

Out of breath, I asked, "What are you doing?

He stared at me, possibly bewildered at the stupidity of my question. "Starting something that should have been started a long time ago." His lips met with mine again, picking up where we left off. I allowed myself to drift away. It didn't matter anymore because I knew that in the morning things would be different, but I was unsure of whether they would be for the better or worse.

Chapter 1 End


	2. I'll Be There For You

****

Chapter 2

In the morning, I watched her sleeping face. The sunlight shone through the trees and I watched the shadows creep across her. I traced the patterns they made with my fingertips. Her face looked so innocent, like a child's. But that appearing innocence is an illusion, only emergring when she's asleep. When she's awake, the innocence is still there, tucked deeply away. She blames herself for all that has happened to her. She believes that her innocence is gone, so she never lets what is left of it show. It pains me to be the only one who can see that.

I brushed a strand of hair that had fallen on her brow behind her ear. I bent over and kissed her lips tenderly. Oh, how I will miss those lips, those eyes, that face. They had become a comfort zone for me. I felt that no one could ever be angry with me when I'm with her. Now, my comfort zone is going to Canada, leaving me behind to face my cursed family alone. I'm glad she knows about our curse, but I still can't help feeling sorry for her. She even wanted to learn the memory surpression technique with me. She puts extra burdens on herself for no reason. It makes me happy yet sad.

I sat up and leaned against the headboard. The previous day seemed like something strait out of a fairytale. I wonder how Shigure's doing, I thought. Mikaru seemed fine. The fact that she was going to Canada tore her apart more than her break-up with Shigure. I decided to throw on a shirt and head out of the room so she could sleep. I went to the washroom which was three doors down the hall and washed up. When I came out she was sitting on the couch with another note and a plane ticket in her hand. "What's wrong?" I asked, not knowing what to expect.

"It's my mom," she mumbled, trying to stop her tears, "her condition has worsened so instead of leaving at the end of the summer..." I feared what came next, "I leave tonight."

She couldn't keep her tears from spilling down those soft cheeks. I would have given anything to take that pain away from her. I would have put it on myself if it would make her stop crying. I knelt down in front of her, "there, there," I comforted, "everything will be alright."

Something deep inside of me said that it wouldn't be alright, for her. I put my hand in hers and squeezed it gently, yet reassuringly. With my other hand I wiped away her tears. She looked at me, her eyes red from crying. I held her face in my hands and kissed her softly, hoping that it would make her feel better. I knew I couldn't take the pain away from her, but I knew I could stop it for a while. I broke the kiss and grabbed her hands and helped her off of the couch. "C'mon, let me take you somewhere you want to go."

We went to see Shigure and Ayame. Shigure was a little upset, first he gets dumped (personally, I didn't see why someone would want to be with a jellyfish in the first place) and then one of his best friends is leaving. Ayame was also upset. When he heard the news he had to go into this dramatic outburst on how the gods had cursed him. There was a hint of a smile on Mikaru's face but other than that she was worse than all three of us. After going for ramen we went back to her house. I sat on her bed and tried to divert the conversation to something a little happier, to no avail, while she packed her bags to leave.

I drove her to the airport and waited with her for the plane to arrive. When it did, I helped her with her bags and walked as far as I could go with her. I kissed her on the cheek and uttered my goodbye, just as she was about to leave, I said, "I'll always be here for you, if you ever feel that you're alone or that no one will understand you. If you feel like everything in your life is spiralling downwards or if things aren't going the way you planned, you can call on me. If it's for you, I'll always be there."

"You promise?" she asked.

"I promise."

She kissed me softly, one last time, and then my angel walked away, leaving Japan and me behind, and I didn't know when she was coming back, if she was even coming back at all.

* * *

Years passed. I became a doctor and spent my time taking care of Akito whose condition remained the same from since she was a child. I also looked after Yukis athsma. Mikaru always remained on my mind. I often found myself sitting in her old chair. All of her things had been moved to the main house after she and her family left. I would sit and wonder when she would be back. She called me for about the first two months after her departure. I have not heard from her since. Before long, I had taken on an assistant, Kana. When she walked into the room that day, I forgot that I was ever in love Mikaru. I felt as though I could start over and forget about my past sorrows.

I can remember that day clearly... I was organizing todays charts when there was a knock at my door.

"Hello in there, Im Kana Sohma, its nice to meet you! Ill be your new assistant as of today so whatever you need me to do, just say the word." I thought she was annoying, at first. "This is a little strange, huh, I guess we're part of the same family but I've never even seen you before; but when I told all of my friends Id be working with you, they all warned me you'd be handsome."

As if I had ignored her, I walked over to her desk and replied, "This will be your desk, and these are todays charts I suggest you start looking over the-" I was interrupted.

"Ah, its snowing! I knew it would snow today! Say, heres a question for you. When the snow melts - what does it become?"

I looked at her, she now struck me as stupid and annoying. Her bubbly personality was starting to get on my nerves. This talk about snow was bringing back memories of things Akito had said to me. She told me that I was as cold as snow. I knew it was true. Since Mikaru had left, I began to realize that what she said had more truth then even she realized. The most obvious answer came into my head, "The answer is water, of course."

She attempted to immitate the sound of the buzzers on game shows when you get a wrong answer. What did she take me for? An idiot? She looked at me with a smile on her bubbly face, "Nope, it becomes spring. I think spring is my favorite time of year."

I didn't expect that. I guess it was true. As winter comes and goes, it turns into spring. That fact was inevitable. Seasons changed from winter to spring and from spring to summer. Kana and I had become good friends. I knew that there was a tendency to overly-romanticize the people I care about. But still, for me, she was spring. It seems almost inevitable, how we were drawn to eachother; almost like a dream. She found out one night about my curse. As Shigure had always teased, I'm the dragon's bastard offspring. She freaked out. There was a dilema about whether or not to throw me into fresh or sea water, she could have just left me there and I would have been fine. She threw me into my bathtub.

When I transformed back, I dried off with a towel and got dressed. I didn't dry my hair. It felt good to have my head wet in this summer heat. Kana insisted on drying my hair because I could catch a cold. She grabbed a yellow towel and threw it over my head as I sat down on the floor. She knelt down in front of me and started rubbing my head with the towel.

"You know, if you threw a real seahorse into a tub like that, it would probably die." I said to break the silence.

She chuckled, "I was afraid of that, but I was so shaken up, I couldn't think, but, now I guess I finally know the reason. I was beginning to wonder why it was you never wanted to hold me. It's because you were afraid. Is that it? You were afraid of what might happen, if I found out? You don't have to be afraid, not of me." Her voice was cracking. I could tell she was crying. Tears started to well-up in my eyes. She was the second person to ever accept me for me. She didn't care if I was cursed or that I turned into a seahorse when embracing or being embraced by a member of the opposite sex or if my body comes under a great deal of stress. She reminded me a lot of Mikaru. I truly felt stupid for thinking the things I did when I first met her. My thoughts were interrupted. "Hatori, I'm so glad to have met you, and I'm even happier to have fallen in love with you, I wanna stay with you!"

She rested her head gently against mine. Tears started rolling down my cheeks. I squeezed my pant leg, weeping like a child. For the first time in my life, I felt as though I was allowed something, as though I had been saved from something. When Mikaru was here, there were always certain things I wasn't allowed to do. I wasn't allowed to forget about the Zodiac or to think about this painful bond being broken. Mikaru made my life easier. She shared my pain with me and took on extra burdens so that I wouldn't have to face them alone. But you can't save someone from something you can't save yourself from. Mikaru couldn't save me from the curse because she had fallen under it, as well.

I reached up and gently put my hand on her cheek. She doesn't have to cry for me, she doesn't. Could it be that _this _is the frozen snow being melted by the first warm breath of Spring? I pulled my head away from hers and gazed at her. She was the only thing I saw, the only one I wanted to see. I cupped her face in my hands and whispered, "Thank you." I kissed her softly. I could feel my tears stop and hers kept flowing down her cheeks. I decided that on her birthday in a few days I would propose to her.

Her birthday came in a blink of an eye. Kana, Shigure, Ayame, Mayu-chan and I went out for dinner that day. Up until this day, we never told anyone we were together, not even our best friends because sometimes you're better off not saying anything at all. We tried to act as friends when we were out in a group and we always acted as a couple when we were alone, even if it was for a brief period of time. I was trying to figure out away to get Kana alone so I could propose to her without making a scene. I was totally ignoring the conversation everyone was having. I needed to be alone for a few minutes to think. I stood up.

"Excuse me, I will be right back." I left the table and headed towards the door so I could get some fresh air when I felt a tug on my shirt. I turned around, it was Kana.

"What's wrong?" she asked.

"It's nothing" I was making her worry. I didn't want this to happen. "Hold on a second."

I turned to the rest of the resturaunt. "Excuse me," I called, "Everyone can I have your attention please?"

All eyes were on me. "Thank you, I've wanted to this for a long time now and I should have."

I turned to Kana. "I'm sorry if I've been acting weird lately. The truth is, I had absolutely no clue how I was going to this. I pulled a royal blue case out of my jacket's inside pocket. I slowly opened it to reveal a diamond ring. She gasped. I got down on one knee.

"Kana, before I met you my life was spiralling downward. I was in this dark place with no light. I was lost. But then I met you and you changed my life. I knew that day, when I first saw you that you were the one I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. So I was wondering... would you would marry me?"

I held my gaze. Her eyes were watering. She put a hand over her mouth. All eyes were on us. _Come on, Kana, answer me!_


	3. I Need You So Much Closer

**Chapter 3**

I got out of the car and took a deep breath of Kaibara air. It felt good to be home. I had forgotten how much I missed this place. The way the wind dances through your hair and the sun massages your skin, I missed all of it. It was nice to return to familiar sights but there were some new ones to be seen aswell.

I couldn't stop staring at the house in front of me. Shigure's house was amazing and I'm happy he's letting me stay here. When Shigure came and picked me up at the airport I barely recognized him. He had gotten taller, his voice had changed, and he had this sort of aura around him. I was glad to see him again.

"Well, Mikaru, we better unload your things so we can head over to the main house and say hello to everyone. Akito is especially looking forward to seeing you." Shigure said.

"Yeah," I replied. I wasn't really paying attention to Shigure, I was too busy gawking at his house. I turned around to grab my bags and ran into his house. I mean, seriously, if I was amazed at the outside, what did the inside look like? I felt like a little kid again. I had no worries, I was care-free. Key word: was.

I spent some time gawking at the inside of his house before Shigure showed me to the room I would be using for the first little while. It was simply furnished with a futon, a desk, and a dresser. He said if I needed anything he was at the end of the hallway downstairs in his office and Yuki's room was to my left. Unfortunately, he was at school so I was unable to say hello.

I started to unpack my things. The first thing I unpacked was a photo album. It had pictures of Shigure, Ayame, Hatori, and me from when we were young up until I left. I sat on the floor looking though the pictures before finally putting them away. Shigure didn't bother me as I unpacked my things. I think he was busy with work. I finished unpacking shortly before Yuki ran through the door.

"I'm home!" he called.

"Welcome back," Shigure replied from his office.

I heard the thumping of Yuki's feet as he ran up the stairs. He passed my room without looking inside and threw his stuff in his room. Yuki was six the last time I saw him. He had to be about fourteen now. I heard his door close and he started walking down the hallway when he looked into my room. "Hello," he said with a sweet smile. He reminded me of a little prince. He went back downstairs and I got up to head downstairs too. I overheard him talking to Shigure. "Who is that in the room upstairs?" he asked.

"That's Mikaru," replied Shigure.

"Mikaru," Yuki paused, "you mean as in Kinoshita-san, right?"

"That's right."

I didn't even have to think about what was coming next. I was already at the bottom of the stairs and I heard a door slam, followed by the thumping of feet down the hall. Yuki ran into me and gave me a giant hug. He transformed, of course, but I don't think he cared. Neither did I. Before we went to the main house, we all wanted to freshen up. It was about five-thirty when we arrived.

It seemed like all of the zodiac were there. Some of them didn't remember me. They were too young when I left. But I talked with them and tried to get to know them. The one's that were old enough to remember who I was bombarded me with questions such as: Where did you go? Where's River? Simple questions. The only person that wasn't there, too my surprise, was Hatori. For some reason I had a feeling Shigure was behind this. When I called to see if I could stay at the main house a couple months ago, Shigure answered. He said that the main house was really busy and that I would be more comfortable at his house. He was really persistent. I think he's trying to keep me away from Hatori for some strange reason. Could it be he's still jealous? I scanned the room for Shigure when I saw him standing at the back of the room. I slid away from all of the commotion and reached Shigure. "Where's Hatori?" I asked.

"He's not here," was his reply.

"Well, where is he? I would like to say hello."

He sighed, "Mikaru, I don't think that's a good idea."

"And why not? Hatori and I have been friends just as long as you, me, and Aaya have been!" I exclaimed.

"Mikaru," he paused, "it could complicate things."

"Like what?"

"You could stir up his feelings, he's just starting to get over you leaving eight years ago," he paused again, "it's in both of your best interest to stay away from eachother, just leave it be."

I was about to reveal my main reason for returning to Kaibara. I had a boyfriend in Canada, a good paying job as a doctor, a nice house. Some people told me I was foolish for wanting to return. I just brushed their comments aside. The truth was, no matter how hard I tried I could not get over Hatori. I had hoped that he would feel the same. Before I could reveal this to Shigure he said, "I have dinner plans tonight, so I'm going to have to leave you. Do not go near Hatori." I stared at him. No words formed inside my head, let alone my mouth. All I could do was stare. He really had changed. "Bye," he said as he turned around and left.

I stood and watched Shigure head towards the door. He motioned for someone to come to him. Ayame came shortly after and they left together. I don't care if Shigure didn't want me near Hatori. I was going to find him. I was going to see if what Shigure had said was true. I snuck out the back and started walking. I knew the grounds fairly well and I could still remember how to get back to the mainhouse if I got lost. It didn't take me long before I found Hatori. He was alone, it looked as if he were waiting for someone. I pressed my back flat against a wall. It was dark so he would have to some close to be able to see me. I opened my mouth to call his name but it was called for me. He stood up as a woman came down the path. I didn't recognize her. She stopped right in front of him and, as if she were being conscious about the curse, put her forearms on his shoulders and let her hands dangle behind him. She looked at him and kissed him for what seemed like ages to me. Then he gazed at her the way he used to gaze at me and said, "Happy Birthday, Kana." He leaned in and kissed her softly. It reminded me of that day, in the tunnel of love. When he loved me and not her.

I was constantly fighting the urge to run up to him and start a conversation, maybe give him a hug and scare her away. Now I understood what Shigure was saying. My entire being wanted to be with Hatori, longed for him to kiss me the way he kisses her. I yearned for that gaze that would make my heart race, that touch that would stop my heart in an instant. I need him, want him, miss him and it feels like someone just took a quiver of arrows and shot them all through my heart because I know that he doesn't feel the same. Then I heard him say, "We better go or else we're going to be late. We don't want to keep Shigure, Ayame, and Mayu waiting." She laughed and they started walking down the path and I ran. I ran wherever my feet took me. I wouldn't stop, I couldn't stop. I didn't want to know what would happen if I did stop. I just kept going. At the time, it was the only thing I knew how to do.

I ran as far as my feet could take me before I tired out. To my surprise, I was at Shigure's house. I checked the door to see if it was locked. Luckily for me, Shigure forgot to lock the door. I ran up into the bathroom after grabbing my pyjamas from my room. I started the shower and cried. _Why am I in such a wreck?_ I thought. It was reaonable to expect Hatori to be over me. Maybe I got my hopes too high. I was really starting to feel like a fool for coming back.

Why did I think that he would still want me? I left him and stopped contacting him after two months. My mother passed away shortly after my arrival. My father offered to send me back to Japan but some irrational thought kept me from going back. I don't even remember what it was anymore. I finished my last year of high school with honors, my father passed away shortly after. River stayed with one of our cousins while I went to medical school. That's where I met my boyfriend, Caleb. When I told him I wanted to come back to Japan after graduating, he seemed a little surprised. I told him I just wanted to visit old friends. He said it was fine but I still sensed something was wrong with him. When I told River about my plans to go back, he said he was coming with me. We tried to get him a flight the same day as mine but, as things turned out, we couldn't. Instead, we got him a flight the day after.

The night I was packing to come to Japan, Caleb sat on the bed beside my suitcase. "I don't want you to go," he said.

"I know you don't," was my reply.

"I'm scared."

"Why?" I asked. "There's nothing to be scared of."

"There's plenty to be scared of. I'm afraid of losing you. Some guy could come along and steal your heart without you knowing it. He could take away the most important person in my life. Mikaru, I don't know what I would do without you." I could tell he wanted to cry but he's the type of guy that cries when he's alone.

I stopped packing and leaned over him and kissed him softly on the lips. "It's okay. You won't lose me and you'll never be without me," I promised. "I'll always come back to you."

I got out of the shower and went to my room. I put my pyjamas on and sat on the futon. I started crying harder. He was right. Hatori stole my heart long before I met Caleb. I knew he stole it but I couldn't bring myself to tell Caleb that. I couldn't tell him I was coming back to Kaibara to see if Hatori felt the same way about me. Right now, I wanted Caleb beside me. I wanted his arms around me, to hold me tight. Something Hatori could never do because of the curse. I got up to use Shigure's house phone. I picked up the phone and dialed Caleb's number. It rang and no one answered. I was glad. I don't want him to worry about me because I'm crying. A sound beeped signalling the start of the message.

"Hey hun," I started while trying hard to get through this without crying. "I just thought I'd phone and let you know I got here alright. Everything is fine except for the fact that you're not here with me. I wish you were. I miss you so much. Love you and I'll talk to you soon."

And with that I hung up the phone. I got into bed. _Tomorrow should be better, River's coming after all_. And with that I fell asleep.

I woke up the next morning, my eyes red from crying. I heard voices outside of my door. River was here. I jumped out of bed and threw on a pair of jeans and a nice-fitting shirt. I would straighten my hair later. I ran down the stairs and saw River sitting at the table eating breakfast. Shigure saw me and got this look in his eye. "Hey River, did you know Hatori is getting married?"

"No, I didn't know that," replied River. "To whom?"

"Her name is Kana, she's really nice. I think they're going to be there tonight so you'll have all the time in the world to get to know her."

Damn Shigure, toying with my feelings like this. "When did this happen?" I asked, walking into the room with a smile on my face.

"Last night at dinner," Shigure replied.

"Hey sis!" River exclaimed as he jumped up to give me a hug.

I hugged him back. "How was the flight?" I decided to ignore Shigure telling me how Hatori proposed.

"It was good." replied River. "Are you coming to the main house tonight?"

Shigure gave me a look. "Y-yeah," I said. "I'll be there."

Shigure's look was weirding me out so I went back upstairs telling River I had to get ready. I overheard Shigure saying the last time he saw River he was "this" tall. I went back into my room. I don't know what compelled me to go into my room because my straightener was in the bathroom, but whatever it was led me to my phone. I looked at it. The screen read: _One New Voicemail._ Who would have called me? River knew Shigure was picking him up at the airport. I was supposed to go with Shigure but I guess either Shigure didn't come home or he let me sleep. I don't think River would have called me. Aside from River, the only person that knew my cell phone number and could get a signal to call me was Shigure. Confused, I opened my phone and dialed my voicemail. I followed the instructions on the other end. I then listened to the voice. It said, "_First, new message sent today at ten thirty a.m. from..."_ The voice stopped and a voice I knew all to well said his name. It made my heart stop. How is he able to get ahold of me? Caleb.

I played the message. His milky-sweet voice filled my ears. "_Hey it's me. I got your message last night. I kinda wanted this to be a surprise but after you got your ticket I got one too. I remember you saying that your friends lived in Kaibara so I got the next flight to Japan seeing as I couldn't catch yours. I was surprised River didn't see me on the plane. I was only a few seats behind him. I didn't know he was coming to Japan but whatever. I'm glad you got here okay. I did too obviously," He chuckled. I loved it when he laughed. "I've been studying Japanese too. I'm fairly fluent, I'm not as good as you and River though. I'm on my way to you now. Your friend's last name is Soma, right? I hope so because that's how I hope to find you. I'm going to find the address to any place with the last name Soma in Kaibara. Hopefully I find you. Call me when you get this. Love you and I'll see you soon. Caleb."_

I closed the phone. "Caleb... is coming here?" I said out loud. I squealed. That made me happy. I decided that before I called him I would straighten my hair. My hair was only shoulder-length with side bangs. It didn't take long for my straightener to heat up and it took about five to ten minutes to straighten my hair the way I wanted it. I turned off my straightener and ran to my phone. The battery was dying so I plugged it in before calling Caleb. I dialed his number. It rang and I thought I was going to get the message machine. Just before I was about to hang up, the ringing stopped.

"Hello?" my favorite voice (besides Hatori's) came over the phone.

"Hey!" I said. "Where are you?"

"Outside a house," he laughed. "Where are you?"

"Inside a house," I laughed harder. If he was going to find me I was going to make this hard for him. Plus I like to tease him.

"Well, what does the house look like?" he asked.

I saw no harm in telling him what Shigure's house looked like. After all Shigure's house was in the middle of a woods. "It's big and brown and it's a house of the Japanese variety."

"So descriptive. Is it surrounded by woods?"

_Crap. _I didn't think he'd find me so fast. "Yeah."

"Hold on a second."

I heard a knock coming from downstairs. In my excitement I hung up the phone and raced downstairs. I got to the door before anyone else did. Shigure and River were just starting to come down the hall. I opened the door and Caleb was standing there. I jumped into his arms as he wrapped his around me. My wish came true. I kissed him softly.

"Caleb, what are you doing here?" River asked.

"I missed you guys so much I couldn't stand to be away from you."

I let his milky voice wash over me. I could listen to that voice forever because I love him. I love all of him. I love the way his short, blonde hair glistens in the sunlight, the way his arms feel when he holds me, the way he looks at me with his golden eyes. I love his pale skin against mine and how he never pressures me into doing anything I don't want to do. I love all of it and I know I'm a fool for wanting someone else. If Hatori was getting married then I could never have him. He was Kana's. Hers and hers alone. There is nothing I can do to change that. I know this and yet a part of me still wants him. I love Hatori but I also love Caleb. It doesn't matter what I do. If Hatori still loved me I'd end up hurting one of them and if I didn't hurt one of them I'd end up hurting myself. I don't know which is worse.

Shigure asked Caleb if he wanted to come to the main house with us when we were about to leave. Caleb said he would and walked beside me the whole way there. Everyone was there again. When Ayame walked in he told River that the last time he saw him he was "this" tall. River had enough and went to talk with Yuki, Kyo and the others. Ayame grabbed my hand and led me to Hatori and Kana. I saw Hatori and my heart stopped.

"Haa-san!" exclaimed Ayame and Shigure in unison.

"Hi, Hatori," I said as I walked close to Caleb.

Hatori looked up, "Mikaru! What are you doing here?"

"I came back to visit."

"When did you get here?"

"Yesterday," I replied.

"I see. This is Kana, my-"

"Fiance. I know."

"Shigure told you?"

I nodded. "Hello, Kana."

"Hello," she replied.

"Hatori, I would like you to meet Caleb. He's my boyfriend."

"Hello," Caleb said.

Hatori's eyes narrowed. He seemed sad. "Hi," he said without looking at Caleb.

I knew Hatori wouldn't do or say anything to Caleb so I got up and went outside for some fresh air.

"I didn't think you were coming back," a voice from behind me said. It was Hatori.

"I didn't think I was either. I mean, I could have a long time ago but I didn't. Something was holding me to Canada, keeping me there."

"Why wouldn't you? I waited for you for six years. I hoped you would come back to me. If you did I don't think either of us would be as jealous as we are right now."

"Who says I'm jealous?"

"I do. I can see it in your eyes when you look at Kana. You want to be in Kana's position. This may be arrogant on my part but, unless I'm mistaken, I think you still love me."

Dead on. Am I that easy to read or is that just Hatori? "You're jealous?"

"Of course I am. It's too late to be saying anything like this now but I never stopped loving you. Somewhere I always have and always will love you. It doesn't matter who I'm with, you're still there. When I look at Caleb, I see myself. I see me with you and it kills me because I know I'm not. I just met the guy and I already dislike him. He hasn't done anything except make you happy. I hate myself for wanting you." He walked away and left me standing there. Alone and wanting him more than ever.


	4. Alone

**Chapter 4**

I hate myself for wanting her. She's moved on. Whether she loves me or not, there is no hope for me anymore. And it's not like it matters, I have Kana. She's the only one I want to be with right now. Being with her is all that matters. I lost one person I love, I refuse to lose another one. I looked at Kana who was sitting beside me. For some reason, when I saw her, I only saw Mikaru. Her green eyes looking at me, her head on my shoulder, her fingers locked in mine, the way she said my name. I never moved on and it pains me to see that she was able to get over me.

For years I waited for her to come back but I never expected her to come back in the middle of everything. As soon as I ask Akito's permission tomorrow, I'll be getting married but I'll be in love with someone else. Eventually, Mikaru will be married to some guy who won't know that he's the luckiest guy in the world and she'll be in love with him. I'll be watching her with feelings that will never be returned. I'll force a smile and try not to break but, being as stupid as I am, I will probably do something rash and hurt her or me trying to win her over. If I do, Kana will be hurt and I'll be alone. Kana would hate me, Mikaru would hate me, and I would hate me because I would have lost the two people I love. If that happened, I wouldn't be able to stand it but, at the same time, I won't be able to bear seeing the one I love in somebody else's arms.

"--Hatori?"

Hearing my name snapped me back to reality, "hmm?"

"Are you okay?" Kana asked.

"I'm fine, just tired." I lied.

"Okay, we should head back to the house then. You need your sleep."

"Yeah."

We got up and said goodbye to everybody, including Caleb. I couldn't find Mikaru anywhere. I figured I would see her again soon so I left. We got to the house and went to bed right away. I had an uneasy sleep and woke up the next morning with a really bad feeling in the pit of my stomach. The kind of feeling where you know something terrible is going to happen and you don't know what it is.

I followed my typical morning routine - shower, breakfast, and then relax. I sat in Mikaru's old chair. I started to drift away and prepare what I was going to say to Akito. I lost track of the time and my thoughts were interrupted by Kana trying to rush me out the door. We walked to the main house and waited for Akito. When we were allowed in to see her the feeling in my stomach worsened. It felt as if someone was twisting my gut. We walked in and knelt before Akito with Kana slightly behind me.

"What have you come here for?" she asked.

"Kana and I wish to be married," I replied bluntly.

Akito went silent, rose, and slowly grabbed a vase. She threw it and it broke with a shard piercing my left eye. The pain rushed through my body. I put my hand to my eye and I could feel the blood rushing over my hand. Through the spaces between my fingers, I could see Kana. The look on her face killed me. I couldn't hear what Akito was yelling all I heard was noise and the look on Kana's face after hearing every piercing word directed at her. Then Shigure came in and restricted Akito so Kana could get me out of there. I remember seeing shapes and shadows until, finally, my world went black.

When I awoke, I could only see out of my one eye. The other one had bandages on it. Kana was grief-stricken. I had to do something, I couldn't just sit and watch her eat herself up over this. I walked over to her and put my hand on her shoulder.

"It's not your fault, Kana. You are not to blame for this, do you understand? It's not your fault."

"But it is," tears started welling up in her eyes, "If we weren't together, if we weren't in love, this never would have happened. We're lucky that you aren't completely blind in that eye. If we never met this wouldn't have happened. I'm so sorry it's all my fault. It would have been better... if you and I had never met," She started crying and the tears would not stop.

No matter what I said. No matter what I did. Each time I tried to consult her she collapsed into tears, until eventually, her grief began to consume her.

"It's especially at times like these that your techniques become useful, don't you agree?" asked Akito a few days later. "We both know her memories should be erased, by now I thought you wouldn't have even hesitated. Right now its her memories of you, her feelings for you, that cause her to suffer. You're the only one who can save her, Hatori." I sat there and took in Akito's words, after all, it's what I deserved.

Plans were made for me to suppress her memories within a few days. I saw Shigure, Ayame, and Mayu, but no Mikaru. Did she leave again? What if she did? These thoughts kept running through my head over and over again. If she did leave, I'm alone again. I would have lost both of the ones I love. I could have stopped it all from happening. If only I had waited. If I waited she would have come back and I could have had a chance with her, some form of hope. But that's not how it happened and now I'm alone... more than ever.


	5. When The Love Falls

Chapter 5

Walking down this hallway brings back memories. I remember playing tag with Kureno, Shigure, and Ayame, studying for finals with Hatori, and hauling some of my things when I was leaving. Now I'm walking down it to be with an old friend who will need somebody after all of this is done. I reached the end of the hallway and looked at the door separating us. I reached out to open it when a voice interrupted me.

"Going in there might be a bad idea, right now."

"Shigure, you don't get it, I need to go in there."

"All I said is that it might be a bad idea, not that you couldn't"

"Just let her go in, if Hatori doesn't want her there he'll tell her to leave," Mayu said as she rounded the corner with Ayame.

"Yes, yes, just let her go in Gure-san. If Ha'ri doesn't want her there he'll tell her to leave."

"I didn't ask for a fucking echo!"

"I was helping you make a point!" said Ayame with an enthusiastic look on his face.

"You really are hopeless, aren't you?" retorted Mayu.

"Just go in, Mikaru. We'll be here waiting!"

"Thanks, Ayame."

"Mikaru!" I looked and Caleb was running down the hall. He ran to me and gave me a giant hug and whispered in my ear. "Good luck. Try and make him feel better and if you do, then we can all go out tonight."

"Is that a bribe?" I asked laughing a little. Caleb - always brightening the mood. Just then, the door opened and two people came out supporting Kana. I saw Hatori kneeling with his back to me. This must be tearing him apart right now. I looked into Caleb's eyes and then walked into the room without looking back at any of them and closed the door behind me.

I approached Hatori quietly, I don't think he heard me come in. I put my hand on his shoulder.

"Are you okay?" I asked, unsure of what to say. He put his hand on top of mine and gently squeezed it.

"Do I look okay?"

"No, but I figured I'd ask anyways." I knelt beside him and sat in silence for a while.

"I really did love her," he said finally.

"I know you did."

"She reminded me of you in a lot of ways. Mikaru, I've missed you."

"I've missed you too."

"How did you get here?" he asked.

"Really, Haa-san, you think that'd be obvious by now!" said Ayame bursting into the room. THEY WERE EAVESDROPPING!

"We brought her," said Shigure, following Ayame into the room.

"You guys look good together," said Mayu, even though that had nothing to do with what we were talking about.

Hatori smiled and said Mayu's name.

"Yeah, so, what of it? I said you guys look good together, my opinion isnt gonna change the world you know!" shouted Mayu, blushing up to her ears.

Hatori started laughing. Caleb was beside me now. "Nicely done," he whispered in my ear. I smiled. We made him feel better, for now anyways.

We all went out for supper that night. It was just small talk, but Hatori laughed occasionally and smiled often. We went back to Shigure's. When Hatori was leaving, I told Caleb and Shigure that I would go to Hatori's to make sure he would be okay through the night. They were fine with it. I gathered my things and left.

Hatori and I walked in the door to his house. "Welcome home," he said.

"Thanks." I replied. I took my shoes off and started to walk into the living room when I felt something pulling me backwards. And then, all notion of time stopped.


End file.
